what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
