i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
