I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
