why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
