The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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