just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
