apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
