my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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