Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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