Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
