nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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