Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my shit smells like andre
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i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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