I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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