she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
