I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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