We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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