if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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