there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize