I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
