So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
