Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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