oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
