if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
