We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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