just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
