i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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