When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
