words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
