I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you traded sex for a burrito?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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