I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize