saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
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If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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