lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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