The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
