Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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