oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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