if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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