how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
should my penis look like a turkey
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
