fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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