my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
