I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
