were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
