Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
where am i from again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
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Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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