her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
