i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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