Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize