I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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