The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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