Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
