I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
