If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
