i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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