hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
