So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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