I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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