My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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