All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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