I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
